I could've saved myself hours on my torrents if I would have just done this in the first place-
Here's the video, which I uploaded to youtube in 20 minutes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xY1_IBYIXE
Thank god for youtube. Also I just posted this and it's undergoing approval or whatever and as such the quality is pretty shitty. Should be better in the future though.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This WAS going to be a video...
Real acting!
For men!
Manly men!
Also uploading this video will take forever so I might fall asleep before it's posted. I'll post on that if that's the case...
OK so it's 8:48 in the morning. Meaning that I've been "posting" this for almost 9 hours. I didn't think that blog spot would actually work when I tried to post video- thank god it proved me right. Wouldn't want the peasantry to be able to have VIDEO would we?
For men!
Manly men!
Also uploading this video will take forever so I might fall asleep before it's posted. I'll post on that if that's the case...
OK so it's 8:48 in the morning. Meaning that I've been "posting" this for almost 9 hours. I didn't think that blog spot would actually work when I tried to post video- thank god it proved me right. Wouldn't want the peasantry to be able to have VIDEO would we?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It continues!
D It's asking us if we've ever contracted an std.
J Considering how often a lady goes for that "un-shaven, out of work gamer look," you should probably be safe to leave that unchecked.
D Well whose to say I don't have some other horrible disease that's just lying dormant?
J It's really very simple; they are going to see a picture of your body with the face all blurry- do you have any horrific scarring or skin diseases that might turn the ladies off of your prospective baby batter?
D Just the Dorito paunch.
J Same, so I guess we're good to go then.
D Here it asks if we are aware that a you can't masturbate a week before... the... donation...
J & D terrified looks on their faces.
-cut to C outside-
Children are playing around an open fire hydrant. They laugh with that canned children's laugh.
C abruptly pushes them all out of the way at once (they scream as they fly off the screen).
C then bathes in the fire hydrant water. *cue sexy music* Super slow mo as he whips his hair around baywatch style. His clothes are shown as wet and clingy. A car pulls up from the corner.
Man- Hey. How much?
C For what?
M I was thinking an rj and maybe a little q work if you know what I mean.
C 60 dollars?
M *terrifyingly* Get in.
(car peels out)
*cut to D and J leaving the SB*
D I don't know which was worse. The fact that we weren't considered qualified to do what nature intended us to do, or that I know you've masturbated very recently.
(Car with C wooshes by, he looks terrified. Neither J or D notice)
J Fuck man, we hang out all day, save bathroom breaks, you know what that means?
D We are good friends?
J That we all 'bait on a schedule! That's like some lady period shifting or something.
D That is yet another sentence you may never repeat again.
(Camera zooms out as people on the sidewalk are stopped, then continue to move again)
D Especially in goddamn public.
J What? You don't have any friends here.
D I don't have any dignity here either.
J In front of the spank bank? Oh yeah, cause you were drowning in it before.
D Fuck you. That said we need another idea.
J Considering how often a lady goes for that "un-shaven, out of work gamer look," you should probably be safe to leave that unchecked.
D Well whose to say I don't have some other horrible disease that's just lying dormant?
J It's really very simple; they are going to see a picture of your body with the face all blurry- do you have any horrific scarring or skin diseases that might turn the ladies off of your prospective baby batter?
D Just the Dorito paunch.
J Same, so I guess we're good to go then.
D Here it asks if we are aware that a you can't masturbate a week before... the... donation...
J & D terrified looks on their faces.
-cut to C outside-
Children are playing around an open fire hydrant. They laugh with that canned children's laugh.
C abruptly pushes them all out of the way at once (they scream as they fly off the screen).
C then bathes in the fire hydrant water. *cue sexy music* Super slow mo as he whips his hair around baywatch style. His clothes are shown as wet and clingy. A car pulls up from the corner.
Man- Hey. How much?
C For what?
M I was thinking an rj and maybe a little q work if you know what I mean.
C 60 dollars?
M *terrifyingly* Get in.
(car peels out)
*cut to D and J leaving the SB*
D I don't know which was worse. The fact that we weren't considered qualified to do what nature intended us to do, or that I know you've masturbated very recently.
(Car with C wooshes by, he looks terrified. Neither J or D notice)
J Fuck man, we hang out all day, save bathroom breaks, you know what that means?
D We are good friends?
J That we all 'bait on a schedule! That's like some lady period shifting or something.
D That is yet another sentence you may never repeat again.
(Camera zooms out as people on the sidewalk are stopped, then continue to move again)
D Especially in goddamn public.
J What? You don't have any friends here.
D I don't have any dignity here either.
J In front of the spank bank? Oh yeah, cause you were drowning in it before.
D Fuck you. That said we need another idea.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Act. 1 Cont
D: That's only because you bathe in coca-cola ya freak.
C: I resent that remark.
J: You resemble that remark.
D: What about the spank bank?
J: The what?
C: Spank bank, you know. A depository of spanked leftovers.
J: You mean a sperm bank.
D: Exactly what I said. Spank bank. How much do you think they'll pay for virile young bucks like ourselves?
C: I'm not entirely sure, but I think we gave up the opportunity to call ourselves "bucks" right about the time we watched the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy, director's cut, in one day.
J: Also I believe the word virile hasn't been applicable since our last real meal.
C: The man's got a point, I mean we've pretty much be-cheeto'ed our sperm retarded. I honestly don't think my soldiers have had the capacity to storm the beaches of Normandy in over a year, none the less win the war.
D: I'm both intrigued that you would link sex directly to world war II and at the same time disgusted that I would ever call you a virile anything.
J: Well we can at least try. I mean, there's gotta be a slush fund for discount sperm or something.
D: Never, ever, EVER say that sentence again around me or I may be forced to kill you.
(Leaves, arrives at SB)
Receptionist: Hullo, if you gentlemen would just sign the paper work we'll get right to... you...
C: So I sign this stuff here?
Recep: You sign nothing. You also leave- now.
C: (Muttering) no appreciation for a well maintained coke patina.
D: We'll take these then, thanks. (Ushering J towards seats)
C: I resent that remark.
J: You resemble that remark.
D: What about the spank bank?
J: The what?
C: Spank bank, you know. A depository of spanked leftovers.
J: You mean a sperm bank.
D: Exactly what I said. Spank bank. How much do you think they'll pay for virile young bucks like ourselves?
C: I'm not entirely sure, but I think we gave up the opportunity to call ourselves "bucks" right about the time we watched the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy, director's cut, in one day.
J: Also I believe the word virile hasn't been applicable since our last real meal.
C: The man's got a point, I mean we've pretty much be-cheeto'ed our sperm retarded. I honestly don't think my soldiers have had the capacity to storm the beaches of Normandy in over a year, none the less win the war.
D: I'm both intrigued that you would link sex directly to world war II and at the same time disgusted that I would ever call you a virile anything.
J: Well we can at least try. I mean, there's gotta be a slush fund for discount sperm or something.
D: Never, ever, EVER say that sentence again around me or I may be forced to kill you.
(Leaves, arrives at SB)
Receptionist: Hullo, if you gentlemen would just sign the paper work we'll get right to... you...
C: So I sign this stuff here?
Recep: You sign nothing. You also leave- now.
C: (Muttering) no appreciation for a well maintained coke patina.
D: We'll take these then, thanks. (Ushering J towards seats)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Script #1
Being poor...
Scene: Living Room
Act 1: The bill
Living room- couch, tv, lappies, malaise
J: Mail's here- nose goes.
(race to touch their noses- D is last)
Simultaneous
C: YES!
J:Yah!
D: Ah, shit fuck
(Gets up and grabs the bills (which fall through an old fashioned door slot for some reason...)
Ok ok... Um, there's nothing
(Throws away several obviously late bills- one explodes when it touches the floor)
Wait wait- this- this is our internet! Fuck they're going to shut off the internet!
J: No they aren't...
C: Yeah I mean they said that about the water and that never came through.
D: Just because you don't shower for long stretches doesn't mean that they haven't shut off the water, because they have.
C: Bullhonkey! I just don't shower with water- you'd be surprised of the benefits associated with bathing in Coke.
J: Malaria?
D: Herpes?
J: Jaundice?
C: How about slowly darkening skin? I'm like Micheal Jackson in reverse.
J: You mean how you are molested by underage boys?
D: Or are you talking about how when you die, no one will care?
C: Fuck it! I give! I'll bathe with water, jesus!
D: WHAT WATER?
C: The neighbors?
J: They still let you inside their home? After what you did last time?
C: Well, not knowingly. Besides I was referring to their garden ho-
D: (interrupts) Let's focus for a second- we need money and we need it for internet.
J: And water.
D: In times of war, sacrifices must be made.
C: Well how much is the bill for?
D: Umm- let's see,
(Scroll through a huge document full of death threats and missed/late payments)
$60.
J: $60!?! How the hell are we going to raise that sum of money? Look at me! I can't get a respectable job!
Scene: Living Room
Act 1: The bill
Living room- couch, tv, lappies, malaise
J: Mail's here- nose goes.
(race to touch their noses- D is last)
Simultaneous
C: YES!
J:Yah!
D: Ah, shit fuck
(Gets up and grabs the bills (which fall through an old fashioned door slot for some reason...)
Ok ok... Um, there's nothing
(Throws away several obviously late bills- one explodes when it touches the floor)
Wait wait- this- this is our internet! Fuck they're going to shut off the internet!
J: No they aren't...
C: Yeah I mean they said that about the water and that never came through.
D: Just because you don't shower for long stretches doesn't mean that they haven't shut off the water, because they have.
C: Bullhonkey! I just don't shower with water- you'd be surprised of the benefits associated with bathing in Coke.
J: Malaria?
D: Herpes?
J: Jaundice?
C: How about slowly darkening skin? I'm like Micheal Jackson in reverse.
J: You mean how you are molested by underage boys?
D: Or are you talking about how when you die, no one will care?
C: Fuck it! I give! I'll bathe with water, jesus!
D: WHAT WATER?
C: The neighbors?
J: They still let you inside their home? After what you did last time?
C: Well, not knowingly. Besides I was referring to their garden ho-
D: (interrupts) Let's focus for a second- we need money and we need it for internet.
J: And water.
D: In times of war, sacrifices must be made.
C: Well how much is the bill for?
D: Umm- let's see,
(Scroll through a huge document full of death threats and missed/late payments)
$60.
J: $60!?! How the hell are we going to raise that sum of money? Look at me! I can't get a respectable job!
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